bert hellinger
nicolas &
anja kern
literature & ordering


with Nicolanya Institute for Inter-Action & Inner-Transformation



Books available from Bert Hellinger's approach, and other helpful books regarding partnership and parenting

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German Books
in Europe
English Books
in Europe
in Europe
English Books
in USA
Anja Kern's personal comments on these books
Bert Hellinger Love's Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work in Relationships

Love's Hidden Symmetry is a book to be read slowly...and then to be read again and again. Here is an opportunity to discover the work of Bert Hellinger, whose generative approach across Europe into the hearts and minds of a diverse therapeutic community.

A lively blend of narrative, storrytelling transcript material, and poetic imagery is invoked to describe, and to demonstrate, what Hellinger calls "the orders of love" and how disturbances be reckoned with for generations to come. But these deeply embedded forces in the familysystem can be harnessed for healing once the are acknowledged, respected, and gently redirected.

This book is a must for all those who want to look deeper into this approach.

Bert Hellinger Acknowledging What Is:
Conversations With Bert Hellinger

Considered one of the most innovative psychotherapistis in the world today, Bert Hellinger has captured the attention of the international therapy community, as well as the segment of the lay community interested in recovering sources of healing and wholeness. In "Acknowledging What Is", Hellinger sheds light on his unique use of family constellations to reveal hidden – often destructive – family dynamics and to active healing resources.

It is a good book to start with, an excellent book learn, and a great gift for those we care for.

Bert Hellinger Supporting Love :
How Love Works in Couple Relationships

When couples turn to therapy or to self-help, they are usually looking for a way to "fix" their "problem". Common solutions might entail improving communication skills, identifying unproductive interaction patterns, or changing some specific behaviors. When a couple steps into the work of Bert Hellinger, the partners are entering a realm of uncommon solution. Hellinger´s approach – family constellations and the underlying observations from which they take shape – taps into the deepest dynamics of a relationship. People begin to see just how unseen forces, including non-present family members and those of past generations, and the choices that were made long ago, affect the current partners´connections with each other at many different levels. The verbatim transcripts of constellations with numerous couples, supplemented by questions, commentary, and discussion, bring this multidemensional process into focus. Typically, a constellation moves through two stages. In the first, hidden – yet compelling – influences on the family are revealed. In the second phase, healing movement and statements are discovered – or recovered – and then tested within the constellation. The "psychic adjustment" that takes place, whether great or small, expands the couple´s vocabulary in creating solution. Bert Hellinger's voice is clear and strong on such topics as love, suffering, bonding, giving and taking, parenthood, childlessness, faithfulness, separation, and sexuality. Throughout the book, there are moments of exquisite clarity and moments of uneasy surprise: the resonance and discord of new insights into the ways we can support love – and the ways that love can support us.

I don't want to miss this one in my life.

Bert Hellinger The Couple's Companion: Meditations and...

Love's Own Truths represents another important milestone in Bert Hellinger's search of a greater understanding of the intricacies of relationship and resolution. The verbatim transcripts of three powerful workshops allow access to the various ways in which fragments of the life force puzzle can break apart or come together over generations. Readers will discover many opportunities to unlock new perspectives in their own healing process as they stand alongside the workshop participants. Explanations of the therapeutic linchpins that hold this approach together help readers grasp what is happening, especially in the family constellations, when the healing movements are subtle or seemingly obscure. The inclusion of several of Hellinger's teaching stories adds yet another dimension to the reading. The closing interview offers another opportunity to understand the work on a different level and to see the man behind it through a new lens.

Again, this is great. It gives you so much compassion for yourself and your partner.

Bert Hellinger, Touching Love Touching Love: A Teaching Seminar With Bert Hellinger and Hunter Beaumont

Bert Hellinger demonstrates the hidden symmetry of love operating unseen in the lives of persons suffering with serious illness and difficult life circumstances. This book is a full documentation of a workshop for professionals held near London in February, 1996.

Bert Hellinger, Touching Love Touching Love, Volume 2

The originator and undisputed master craftsman of this approach, Bert Hellinger, demonstrates his use of the method of family constellations to bring destructive, hidden family dynamics to light and to search for loving resolutions. His interventions are unconventional, surprising and thought provoking. He is unwavering in his dedication to do what is possible to free entangled love, and to offer loving support when the only alternative is to accept what cannot be changed. Hunter Beaumont, a master psychotherapist and teacher in his own right, brings a quality to the work which complements Bert Hellinger. With non-judgemental compassion, irreverant humor and a delicate sense for systemic balance, he follows the constellations wherever they may lead.

I've attended these workshops based on this book. You get deeply toughed in your soul.

sorry, no coverscan
On Life & Other Paradoxes:
Aphorisms and Little Stories from Bert Hellinger ;
Translated and with an Introduction by Ralph Metzner

English Books
in USA
Anja Kern's personal comments on these books
Bert Hellinger Nonviolent Communication : A Language of the heart

A Language Of Compassion by human communications expert Marshall B. Rosenberg is dedicated to teaching the reader how to improve his or her ability to communicate. From the importance of not mixing one's observations with blanket evaluations, to the power of empathy and expressing one's emotions in a straightforward, useful, cathartic manner without causing untoward offense, Nonviolent Communication is a first-rate guide to clearly and completely expressing one's self. Nuances of human behavior and understanding are meticulously laid bare for scrutiny in this guide that leaves its readers with a much better understanding of what human beings hear and understand. Nonviolent Communication is a highly recommended and very welcome addition to Communication Studies, Psychology, and Self-Help supplemental reading lists and community library reference collections.

This book helped to get connected with my needs, and finding a good way to express them.

cover Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

When Harville Hendrix writes about relationships, he discusses them not just as an educator and a therapist, but as a man who has himself been through a failed marriage. Hendrix felt the sting of his divorce intensely because he believed it signaled not only his failure as a husband but also his failure as a couples counselor. Investigating why his marriage dissolved led him to start looking into the psychology of love. Marriage, he ultimately discovered, is the "practice of becoming passionate friends." As a result of his research, Hendrix created a therapy he calls Imago Relationship Therapy. In it, he combines what he's learned in a number of disciplines, including the behavioral sciences, depth psychology, cognitive therapy, and Gestalt therapy, to name just a few. He expounds upon this approach in Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. His purpose in writing the book, he says, is "to share with you what I have learned about the psychology of love relationships, and to help you transform your relationship into a lasting source of love and companionship."

Divided into three sections, the book covers "The Unconscious Marriage," which details a marriage in which the remaining desires and behavior of childhood interfere with the current relationship; "The Conscious Marriage," which shows a marriage that fulfils those childhood needs in a positive manner; and a 10-week "course in relationship therapy, " which gives detailed exercises for you and your partner to follow in order to learn how to "replace confrontation and criticism ... with a healing process of mutual growth and support."

This approach showed me, that my partner has the blueprint of my grouth.

cover Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide for Singles

A guide to holding onto love shows readers how to meet the challenges of a new relationship, avoid making the same mistakes, deal with emotional issues, and improve their odds.

If I would be single, I'd read that one.

cover The Couple's Companion: Meditations and Exercises

Shows how an enlightened relationship can lead to spiritual growth and personal healing and offers a life-changing program for doing so.

In this book you'll find a lot of exercises which enriches your daily life.

cover Giving the Love That Heals: A Guide for Parents

This groundbreaking book offers a unique opportunity for personal transformation: by resolving issues that originated in our own childhood, we can achieve a conscious, and thus healthier, relationship with our children, regardless of their age. Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt help us explore:
The Imago -- the fantasy partner that our unconscious mind constructs from those we loved as a child, a that has guided our search for a life partner.
Maximizer and Minimizer parents -- the defensive styles that internally shape what we say and how interact with our children
A Parenting Process that helps to end the "cycle of wounding" -- the handing-down of wounding we received as children --as we raise our own children
Safety, Support, and Structure -- how to give children what they really need from us. Modeling Adulthood -- using our healed sense of self as a model for our children.
With other practical, insightful approaches that can powerfully shape the parent-child bond, Giving the Love that Heals gives us the keys to helping our children to become healthy, responsible, and caring people.

I'm still in the process of reading this one.

cover Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

Relationship counselor John Gray focuses on the differences between men and women--men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, after all--and offers a simple solution: couples must acknowledge and accept these differences before they can develop happier relationships. In this unabridged version,

I love this book. It is heart opening and funny at the same time.

cover Children Are from Heaven:

Positive Parenting Skills for Raising Cooperative, Confident, and Compassionate Children

Psychologist John Gray cites a need to shift from "fear-based parenting" (a punitive and oppressive approach to child rearing) to "love-based parenting" (which accepts children's desires and negative emotions while still setting reasonable limits). With child and teen violence increasing, rampant low self-esteem, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, and attention deficit disorder, he says, "the Western free world is experiencing a crisis in parenting. Almost all parents today are questioning both the old and the new ways of parenting. Nothing seems to be working."
He suggests "Five Messages of Positive Parenting" that will facilitate such a shift:
1.It's okay to be different.
2.It's okay to make mistakes.
3.It's okay to express negative emotions.
4.It's okay to want more.
5.It's okay to say no, but remember mom and dad are the bosses.
Although his parenting philosophy is not necessarily revolutionary (think "positive discipline"), Gray manages to keep this parenting primer contemporary by weaving in specific challenges of new-millennium families--such as our tendency to be consumer-driven and overscheduled.

Yes, yes and yes again. This book is more than helpful.

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